am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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