Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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