dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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