SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
