I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
