I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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