I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
