I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
