What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
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How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
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I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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