I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
