A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
