I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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