I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
