If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
