**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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