Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
