Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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