hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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