He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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