So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Randomize
