I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
