I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Randomize
