you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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