I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
