Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
