hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
