big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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