Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
