You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
