she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
