do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
