mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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