Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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