Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
