Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
