FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
