Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
