You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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