were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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