what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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