escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
