You're so nebulous sometimes
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
sarcasm needs its own font
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
