Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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