I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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