he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
