A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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