i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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