My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
