And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
