Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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