obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize