Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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