I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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