I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
