Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
