Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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