marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
