She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
