my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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