Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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