i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
