Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
