somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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