my shit smells like andre
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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