i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
