hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
