video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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